The Hotness is starting to happen!

Well guess what? Hotness is starting to happen!

Akiva and I finally got it together and decided to start working out at the gym AND we actually have been able to consistently stick to our TJ's diet almost exclusively. "Almost" being the operative word.

So yes, after a bit of resistance in the beginning and lots of whining and foot-dragging, outrage and compulsiveness, we've finally gotten our act together and can now officially (almost at the end of our month) declare ourselves doing this challenge.

I know, I know LAME.

We are on this challenge like white on rice.

We are in like Flynn

and out like trout....

I bet you never expected "hot" and "Trader Joe's" to be in the same sentence.

Just you wait till the Trader Joe paper bags come off and we reveal to you how sexy we are getting by the day.

Pumping iron and eating Chile Rellenos....yep folks....that is the magic recipe. A little poblano pepper for your palate after a workout does ya good.

We are clawing our way to the top with our beady eyes, and clammy hands with Trader Joe bags in tow. Join us for our ascent towards hotness and health up the mountain of Chile Rellenos and Spanish Rice, Crispy shrimp wontons, and Trader Joe Escargot.

Stay tuned for our next posting. We will actually show you how stacked we are and reveal to you some TJ secrets that will mesmerize and delight you with wonderment.

Oh, and in case you're wondering about today's pic: This is a picture of us gluttonously cheating with seasoned curly fries at a diner. We just wanted to show you that although we are very close to it---we are not perfect.

In Seasoned Curly Fry Love,

Tallulah

When Life Gives You Goat Cheese....

When life gives you Goat Cheese.....Make a Trader Joes Goat Cheese Salad!

Yep folks---that was the salad of the day and the metaphor of our last few days.

We'll expand on both.

First let's talk some more about TJ's.

There has been some concern around the high sodium content of our meals particularly because we have moved from Mexican Frozen entrees to Chinese and Thai frozen entrees. We all know that chinese food water retentiony feeling where you wake up in the morning with puffy eyes, bloating and sausage-like appendages.---

Since one of our primary reasons for doing this challenge was to see if eating Trader Joes exclusively for a month makes you hotter, we have to factor water retention into the equation.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Sausage-like appendages might be your thing. We don't want to offend anyone reading this who enjoys chinese food or has woken up this morning with puffy eyes. Nor do we want to offend anyone who is currently suffering from water retention but the vote is in and water retention is....out.

Stay posted for our pics which will document our puffy-eyed journey through the Trader Joe Orient.

Going back to the earlier comment about Goat Cheese....on a personal note there have been some recent tragedies that have befallen us. We would like to take this moment to shake our humble fists at the heavens and scream out, "Why us?" Why us?"

On wednesday night after a party in San Francisco, we came back to Akiva's Cookie Department Car to find it broken into and his laptop stolen. Disgruntled and sad, we filed a police report and then drove back to the east bay. Akiva dropped Tallulah off at her Car and we drove up to our place at the top of a hill. On Tallulah's way up the hill she lost control of her car on the slippery roads and hit into 2 cars. She totalled two of them--one being hers:( and wrecked another. Sans a Macbook Pro, the back window of Akiva's car, and a Toyotal Celica Convertible we are however happy to report that we are OK.

We managed to preserve our great attitudes and even crack a joke or two.

Thank goodness that Trader Joe's is there for us. We decided to extend our challenge because of our monetary situation and the lack there of.

We'll need a couple more months to get back on our feet after Akiva's car is taken care of, he has a new laptop, and Tallulah has a new car. Arg!

What has made this tragic situation less tragic is knowing that we can still eat our salads every day and frozen entrees every evening and that we are on our way to hotness. Nothing is going to stop us---not even bloating and water retention, vandalism, robbery, car crashes, or whiplash. We thrive in the face of adversity and eating Trader Joe's every day has taught us that.

Yours,

Tallulah and Akiva

Trader Joe's Up Against The World!!!!

Dear Bloggolers,

I'm currently sitting at Squat and Gobble Cafe and Creamery in the Castro while I wait for my lovely girlfriend Tallulah as she gets her hair done up the street. I came here this afternoon because I was done with work early and I decided to order a cup of coffee while I wait. I'm at a table that faces the menu board. Printed in highly colorful writing, it reads Crepes, Salads, Sandwiches, pasta, omelets, bagels and beverages. They even have goofy pictures of demonic cartoon chickens everywhere. After eating Trader Joe's food for almost a week and a half and shopping down the aisles of chip, nut, cheese, cold cut, bread, baked goods, egg, dips and wine walls I have come to another conclusion about...Why Trader Joe's?

Trader Joe's sells everything on this menu! Why drive over the bridge, waste precious gas money, pay for parking, wait for your food just to spend $9.95 on a salad the size of your foot when you can simply buy a Trader Joe's salad or frozen entree for $3.79?

Lunch at SF restaurant:

14 miles of gas - $1.75
bridge toll - $4
parking - $2.25 (SF parking racketeer)
Salad - $9.95
Tip - $2
14 miles of gas home - $1.75
Hat you buy because you happen to be walking by a cute little hole in the wall boutique in the Castro - $36

Total: $21.75
Total with hat - $57.70


Trader Joe's Pre-made Salad:

1 mile of gas - .12 cents
Parking- FREE
Salad - $3.79

Total - Under $4

Savings - a lot!!!! In fact with the money that I just saved, I could buy 14 more pre-made salads. Now that is why TJ's is awesome!!!!!!

Akiva's salad secret....REVEALED!

Akiva: Whenever I have a Trader Joes salad, I have a ritual: I take out the fork, then I lift the sheathe of lettuce concealing the plastic container of dressing. I carefully remove the cap off of the dressing container so as to not to spill any precious (highly caloric ) dressing on my lap. I then evenly distribute the dressing amongst the saladic contents. I put the lid back on top of the salad and I give it a shaky shaky, a hokey pokey, and I turn it all around, upside down, side to side--making sure all the dressing is evenly distributed. I shake it so hard that my eyes clang around in my skull and my arm fat/muscles shake like a metronome on meth. I then carefully remove the lid yet again, and lick the sacred remnants of dressing and salad bits and bobs. I will now enjoy my salad.

Tallulah: Before I met Akiva, I was a lonely TJ's salad eater. I spent many a night with my two hairless cats for company staring listlessly at an old heavy TV watching tearfully as Adam Lambert lost American Idol. My salads were never evenly tossed. There seemed to never be enough dressing no matter how hard I tried to conserve or evenly drizzle. By the time I made it to the bottom of the salad there was not enough salad dressing to carry on. These were tough times and certainly not ones I'm proud of. These were the times of dry cabbage and tasteless tomatoes. I didn't want give up on TJ's salads. I smelled hope and blue cheese dressing on a cobb salad in the distance. I prayed every night that one day I would meet my TJ's Salad King and he would teach me the ways of his ancient saladic rituals. ----Tallulah Our Bedroom, CA

Akiva: Some guys like boobs, some guys like butts, some guys like both. I like women who like Trader Joe's salad! The moment I found out that Tallulah was a lonely TJ's salad eater like myself, I knew I had found love. Tallulah needed help! I'm not talking about personal growth or self help. I'm talking about a deeply rooted, emotionally scarring, salad inadequacy - one that many people suffer from: the lonely TJ's cash register clerk, your neighborhood mailman, the police officers that protect your city, the three year old you used to babysit. The people you least expect suffer from SDDDD (Salad Dressing Distribution Difficiency Disorder).
Tallulah: Thanks to Akiva, 2 months later I have finally overcome my SDDDD. My TJ's salad experience will never be the same again. It took me several tries to get the TJ's Salad Shaky Shaky right. I went from thinking that TJ's was skimpy on the dressing, to knowing deep within my being that it is the perfect amount.
Dear Friends: Just know that you don't have to eat Trader Joe's salads alone. There are others out there just like you searching for that special someone to share a TJ's Shrimp Louie with. And remember---Salad Dressing Distribution can make or break a TJ's salad. Shake with caution.

-Tallulah and Akiva
Our Bedroom, California

Day 4: Rebellion and Surrender

Day 4:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.....it was a typical day on the Trader Joe Challenge.
This is Tallulah writing while Akiva is out baking cookies for his cookie company, The Cookie Department.
There is actually some breaking news that I am saddened to report. Akiva has texted me that "The breadith has hittith the fannith"-- Gasp! and that he "had to sample some Challah bread at work"
Let's work our way back to the word "had." He didn't say, "I opted to sample some Challah" nor did he say, "I chose knowingly and consciously to eat some Challah even tho it violated our brilliant yet difficult TJ challenge."
When you "have to" do something it implies a lack of responsibility---but if you're not responsible then who is? Where does that little inner voice come from that asked this evening for fries at McDonalds?----That's right folks.
Guilty as charged.
I did in fact request fries this evening after our Chicken Chilaquiles did not quite quench my wild hunger for greasy fried and salty items not Trader Joe. Akiva did not object as he drove the getaway car.
I imagine that voice inside of us that desires things--at times compulsively---to be a little weasel/eel/gremlin/hyena. At times it hides in the shadows and at other times it demands, pleads, and claws its way towards thorny desperation---it speaks with our voice, it walks with our swagger, it eats with our mouth.....okay...hmmm....I think I'm takin' this to a dark place.
Ehem....moving on....I guess what I am personally realizing on day 4 of this challenge is that I tend to rebel against dietary regimentation. Some people need a strict diet and plan their meals for the entire day or week---I'm a fly by night kinda gal. A free-spirited eater who knows no bounds---one who hears the call of a garbanzo bean in the distance and not a moment later I am eating hummus with pita (any maybe a dolma--and a bit of falafel). So yeah---I'm loving the TJ's food, but not so much loving the exclusivity. Yeah...no.
But I rise to our challenge. I salute you Trader Joes! I'll try harder next time and the time after that. And my dear Akiva, my partner in crime, my Sugarpoof, my strikingly handsome blog-buddy and boyfriend--- let's support each other and come out on top! I love you<3
And readers! We need your support, we need your excitement, and we need your anger, your fury, your outrage, your bafflement when we let you down cuz you think this is so easy. Try it! Join us and know the glory of a good challenge.

I don't want our readers to think that we are a beer guzzling (tho we had a beer tonight), fast food eating (except for the fries this evening), sugar addicted (there were a few mini cupcakes that slipped into our craws) lazy (tho we haven't exercised today either) couple. What would possibly make you think that?

I was about to apologize for this selfish rant and then realized that this is afterall...a blog;)

Yours,
Tallulah

Day 3: Fiesta in Yer Mouth....

Hey Party People,

Day 3:

We woke up this morning craving huevos rancheros but then reality struck like a candy-crazed five year old with a bat and a pinata.-----apple cinnamon oatmeal--yummy in your tummy on a hot summer's day --or a cold rainy one as it were.

Although gloppy as oatmeal tends to be---it was pretty damn scrumptous and the best thus far of our oatmeal extravaganza.

We do have to say that it's nice to have portion control in the morning and predictability. No guess work here; the excitement lies in our three flavors of oatmeal. Which one will it be tomorrow? Well, you're going to have keep reading our blog to quench your eager curiosity.

We would now like to take this opportunity to share with you the cost effectiveness of this challenge.

Here's the breakdown per person:

Oatmeal: .30 cents per packet. Hot water: priceless!

Salad: Average price: $4 (fork included!)

Frozen Entree: Average price: $2

Grand total Average per day: $6.30

What? What?

Forget Foodmax and Grocery Outlet---even Safeway---Trader Joe's beats them with a stick.

Okay---back to Lunch:

The Fiesta Salad:

Party Hardy--Oh Gawd it was Hearty. No really---full of beans, tortilla chips, cheese, salsa fresca salad dressing and lots of chicken. Tj's definitely put some thought into this one. Who are the Trader Joe's salad artists? Better yet--WHO is Trader Joe? Do you know Joe? Does he live in LA?

Please let us know with our very first comment as we have not received any yet:(

Dinner:

Chicken Enchilada: We would definitely recommend it! Rich, creamy, melt in your mouth--perfect ratio of sauce, to cheese, to chicken, to tortilla to yer mouth. aaaaaaahhhhhh.

Could use more spicyness, but all in all we finished it full but wanting to sport-eat some more!

That's it folks---another day eating our way through Trader Joe's Mexico. Can't wait for China!!!

-- Akiva and Tallulah

Day 1 & 2: We're so Kewl...except when we're not.

Okay folks,

This is really happening! We're excited to announce that we..... have not started out so well with this challenge....but there's is definitely hope.

Please! We strongly urge you to continue to follow our blog despite our lowly attempts at regimenting our diets and lifestyle.

Day 1: started out with TJ's blueberry oatmeal---stick to yer ribs goodness that keeps you going strong. For lunch we ate the "spa salad" which was yummy, refreshing, and had the salty sweet goodness of grapes, pasta, chicken, and crispy lettuce. You'll be delighted to hear that we actually worked out at the gym together for a good 45 minutes at Iron Works in Berkeley. Tallulah pumped iron while Akiva rock-climbed.

We were champions triumphing in the dawn of hope and aspirations of hotness---until we went over to Akiva's Mother's house. We will not disclose the details of what we ate---TJ's cannot hold a torch to great Jewish Mom cooking. Therefore we cannot be held responsible for our deviation from TJ's. That's all we have to say.

Oh yes, and there was a Trader Joe's Tiramisu Dessert

Day 2:

Did the oatmeal thing--Maple and brown sugar this time.

For lunch we had the Italian chopped salad which was super filling, heavy and loaded with too much meat. Left us feeling like we just ate a brick of meat. TJ's we love your salads--but this one was a bit much---there might have even been more meat than greens. For dinner we had beef and cheese/green chile tamales. 2 each and definitely awesome.

Gotta love the finite portions of food. This is what you get---eat it---that is all. No going back for seconds. Sit there and digest. Just be with it. Breathe in the reality that that is all you get. TJ's has spoketh.

p.s. Tallulah went over to her friend Veronica's and brought over her tamales in a plastic baggy to stay true to the Tj's challenge, but cheated a bit by also having some of V's fantastic pasta. "Oops" says Tallulah with a pasta-eating grin.

Stay tuned for more adventures. We promise to be better. This was actually a bit harder than we thought. eek!